He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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