We named our party play list daddy issues
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
