Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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