Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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