So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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