I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
