so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
