Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
