he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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