Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
