Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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