I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
