Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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