I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She told me I should be a condom model.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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