lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My vagina is very pro this idea
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
