Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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