So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
