just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
