What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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