the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
the day after is always just damage control
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
