so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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