i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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