Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
