Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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