just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
so much tequila, so little girl.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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