I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize