the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
