From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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