She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
