best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
