You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
