I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
