i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
