I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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