i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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