She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
