I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
