I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
