you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
