U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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