make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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