you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
