It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize