why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
