i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
