I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
