White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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