I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize