i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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