one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
