I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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