I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
