I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize