My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Randomize
