Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
