I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
