My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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