ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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