I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
