Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
