you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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