Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Found your dick twin last night
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
