just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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