I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
