Yo dont text me then not text me
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
