Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
