You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
