i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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