last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
