You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
