That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
