just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
