I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
