I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
