ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
