I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We left the knife in your bed.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
