We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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