just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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