I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
So vagazzling was a success
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
