how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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