im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
