1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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