I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
