Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
