Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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