Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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