So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
