Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
