In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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