I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
