I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
