i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
operation harelip BJ is a go
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
