How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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