it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
