The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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